Whose food would you steal?

You know things are slow over in the HR department when you receive a corporate email with the subject line "Lunch Room Refridgerators". Apparently, and I quote, "food has been going missing from the lunch room refridgerators." I've done an informal office poll. Some people, like me, have never had their food stolen, but others are eager to tell stories of lovingly prepared dishes, placed carefully in the lunch room fridge, only to be snatched by some devious monster.

A few questions come to mind. Firstly, the logistics of finding a chance to be in the kitchen alone, steal the food, AND find a time and place to eat it would seem near impossible. Is the thief taking the food and running to the bathroom to eat it? Hiding it in their desk drawers? Coming in extremely early or staying late simply to steal food?

Secondly, how do you know someone else's food is even going to taste good? Who knows what's in there? It could be some kind of unclean person who didn't wash their hands while cooking or licked the spoon 37 times. EW. You're essentially kissing that person by eating their germy food. And it's not even a FRIEND.... it's the food of a RANDOM STRANGER. Why is this appealing??

Thirdly, is anyone at work actually so hungry and so poor that they can't just go downstairs and grab a slice of pizza or a cup of soup? It would be a guilt-free way to satisfy the growling stomach.

I can't wrap my mind around WHO would be cheap enough, evil enough, and sneaky enough to actually steal food from the fridge. Is this a common occurance in most offices, or just ours? Most people here seem cool, normal, and well-adjusted. Are they all hiding alterior devilish personas??? Someone, explain!!

Trampoline Hall

So last night I attended Trampoline Hall for my first time. It's a lecture series held in a rectangular room atop Sneaky Dee's, and the whole point is that three people are supposed to give lectures on topics that they're not experts on. I don't know who came up with this concept originally. I guess in theory, it works, and appeals to those artsy hipster types. In reality, I think that if one was actually lecturing on something they knew NOTHING about, the lecture would be boring, lame, bland, and just generally suck. Just my opinion though.

I decided to check it out because my friend Jon was the curator, and my friend Melanie was lecturing. She chose to talk about conspiracy theories, and she did an excellent job. She's practically a genius, which helped, plus she organized her thoughts really well. She already did know a bit about conspiracy theories, but did some supplemental research in preparation for the lecture. She also (very smartly) tied in information about AIDS and other medical issues, which she actually knows a ton about, being a physician. I was incredibly impressed.

After the lecture, there was a Q & A session. Melanie got put on the spot and held her own. She was so calm, cool and collected. She answered everyone's questions eloquently and kept 'em laughing, too. I kept thinking about how giving a lecture is basically LAST on my list of things I like to do. If i were to give a lecture on something I truly know nothing about (eg. cacti, computer programming, football, whiskey, or Epidemiology) people would hate it. I'd be really nervous and my voice would shake. I'd undoubtedly get booed off the stage. Although I would technically be fulfilling the requirements of Trampoline Hall by lecturing on something I know nothing about, it wouldn't be nearly as riveting as the lecture I heard last night.

This leads me to wonder if Trampoline Hall is actually its own conspiracy theory. Maybe it pretends to showcase people speaking about so-called "unknown" topics to them, when actually, they're experts on these topics! This could actually be a venue for these cranial superiors to lord their knowledge over us plebes and brainwash us into admiring and trusting them until they gain full control!

Til next time, stay alert and dress warmly.

Best Foods On EARTH.

It seems that the scads of loyal followers of this blog cannot rest until they know which foods are my favourites, so I've decided to indulge them with the top 5 list.

#5) Chocolate. I know you're thinking, does chocolate really qualify as a food? And the answer is, most definitely. Its sweet goodness can lift your spirits and make you feel like your meal is truly finished, if you eat it as dessert. Sometimes, around Christmas or whenever you have extra chocolate around, it's fun to eat it first thing in the morning, before your taste buds have been contaminated by other lesser foods. Try it!

#4) Cheese. Ok, so goat cheese was on the list of my hated foods, but now I'm referring to just your average everyday brick of cheddar: the perfect snack. Do you know ANYONE who doesn't like cheese? Exactly.

#3) Bread. This includes regular everyday bread, bagels, english muffins, buns, croissants, anything in the general "carbs" category. Bread, paired with cheese, has been my favourite food from childhood. As an adult, I often indulge in the luxury of not eating the crusts.

#2) Pizza. My friend Ryan has always claimed to be "Pizza for Life", and I have to agree that the Pizza for Life philosophy is a wise one. The perfect culmination of flavours, easily attainable, a fun triangular shape - what's not to like? Pizza is the perfect food. Thank the LORD for pizza. I do!

#1) Vereneke (cottage cheese pierogies). This recipe was brought over from the homeland of Russia. It's simply homemade dough stuffed with cottage cheese, made into pierogies, and served with a white sauce. If I could eat these every day, I would die happy. And probably be morbidly obese.

There you have it, folks. Tell me what your favourite foods are. Maybe we'll disagree. But as you may know, I'm right 99% of the time, so you'll probably find that my favourite foods are better than yours.

Gallery of Disgusting Food

I'm sure by now, if you have a curious mind, you've been wondering, "Which foods does Cara hate?" Well, you're about to find out. I'm really not a picky eater, but there are a few things that are simply intolerable in my world. Here's the top 5 countdown of gross food that shouldn't exist:

#5) Black licorice. Seriously. Such a foul, bitter and unlovely taste, made into candy? So wrong.

#4) Goat cheese. Pretty obviously disgusting.

#3) Paté. Basically, it's like someone took all the unedible leftover hot dog remains, added gross flavour, and squished them into a brick, then coated it with a jello-like layer the colour of sickness.

#2) Cilantro. This spice has the ability to ruin large amounts of food. I know it's a love/hate thing and that lots of people think cilantro is "all that". Not me!

#1) Creamed corn. Waaaay too sweet, and pre-chewed by your archenemy's grandma.

Cinnamon buns with raisins get an honourable mention. Who would ruin a sweet, luscious cinnamon bun with mushy sick raisins??!?!?!?!?!?!?

Monday isn't Fun-day.

5 day workweek. NOOOOOOOO!!!!

Lately I keep waking up in the middle of the night and experiencing that whole super confused "where am I?" routine. I mean, enough already. How hard is it for my brain to figure out that I'm in my apartment? Nothing out of the ordinary. Get with the program, brain.

Last night I dreamed that my ex-bf sent me a cheque for $1,100 with a note apologizing for the pain he'd caused me. HA!

I ate instant Cream of Wheat for breakfast and now it's sitting, expanding, in my stomach. Not really the best feeling. What on earth am I supposed to eat for breakfast that's healthy, tasty, and easy to bring to work?

The sky is blue, it's not that cold out today, and i MIGHT be on vacation 3 weeks from now. Sweet deal!!

What you've all been waiting for.

Yessirree,
it's been 2 years since my previous blog came to a sorry end. So here I am again for your reading pleasure.
What are your new year's resolutions? Usually I make them and they don't happen. But 2009 is pretty magical so far, and I sense that its mysterious ways will allow me to stick to my goals with a resolve and determination far more powerful than has ever existed before.

So, here are my top 3 resolutions:

#1) Have a good attitude. This may seem really boring and grandma-ish, but it's not! Most people probably think I'm an upbeat person, seeing as how I love to laugh at things, and I have a cute smile. However, I find it really easy to complain about things and just generally think that things suck. So I'm going to try to look on the bright side, ensure my glass is always at least half full, and be thankful for the good things in my life.

#2) Get a better, higher-paying, cooler job. Ok, truthfully, I like my current job. But it pays next to nothing, and at this rate, I'll still be living in a tiny apartment when I'm 45, and this is not the goal at all. I plan to achieve this goal by updating my resume, possibly printing it out on some neon-coloured paper, and sending it to the top 100 companies in Canada. Or else simply "networking". We'll see how it goes.

#3) Get in shape. Right now on the scale of inshapeness, one being completely sedentary and 10 being a marathon runner, I think I'm maybe about a 3 or 4. NOT COOL, people. Exercise can extend your life by YEARS. Plus, my tiny mom is way more in shape than me and can run for miles, and I can't let her show me up like that. I've already signed up for a "Learn to Run" course starting next week. My mom thinks I won't be able to do it. So when my legs fall off from the cold, I can't call her to complain. I have high hopes for this resolution, even though cardiovascular exercise is pretty much the worst thing ever.

And there you have it: my inspirational, motivational, super sensational resolutions. See you next time!