Hi guys! The title of this entry is from a real-life experience. Once, in that awkward four hours between a wedding ceremony and the reception, my best friend Mary and I went for a walk on the beach at Port Dalhousie, the muddied waters of Lake Ontario in St. Catharines. Some dude enjoyed the fact that two lovely ladies were walking barefoot along the beach and said, "Hellooooooo, summer dress." Not sure why it was singular though. I guess only one of us had a dress worthy of saying hello to.
I don't have a lot going on these days - it's rainy, my tennis elbow hurts, things are normal. So instead this entry will be a prehumous tribute to my aforementioned best friend Mary. Here are some of the great things we've done over the years:
We decorated an old record player in blue fabric and white rick-rack and named it the Hot Box. We also decorated all of our records by cutting out pictures of our friends' faces and gluing them to the centres of the records, so that when we listened to music, we could also look at a rotating face. Then we threw a vinyl party where the price of admission was one record. That was probably our most successful party to date. We also made HOMEMADE fortune cookies for that party. It took several hours and several burned fingers but they turned out really well.
We acquired a really old typewriter and thought it would be hilarious to anonymously mail our friends and acquaintances some extra photos we had laying around. Some of them were from a trip to the zoo, and others were from a roll of film we found and got developed (it turned out to be honeymoon photos from a happy couple). We would put one picture in an envelope and then type the address on with the old typewriter, and then mail them out. We really loved doing this even though our friends obviously knew it was us.
We snuck into several parties at the Niagara-on-the-Lake Chamber of Commerce and just acted like we were supposed to be there, including one for some kind of soccer league. We were pretty good at just chatting people up and going along with whatever they said, and mostly just acting really confident so no one would question our presence.
We waitressed together one summer at a horrible restaurant called Roasters, where we had to wear GIGANTIC red "patio shirts" with black pants. They were men's XL button up shirts and the short sleeves came down to our elbows, and when they were untucked they were almost to our knees. But of course they were gorgeously tucked in while we were working. We had two alcoholic bosses named Nakos and Tolis who strutted around town checking on their leather stores. We got in trouble all the time for absolutely everything, and had to do ridiculous amounts of work because the restaurant was short staffed. We also had a co-worker named Ed who once invited us over to his house, where he turned off all the lights and showed us a Guns 'n Roses live DVD with FULL SURROUND SOUND and even a few strobe lights. We weren't too impressed.
We went on a caribbean cruise and met a man in his 60's who managed to insert the phrase "sex on the beach" into every conversation. He volunteered for a lot of games and stunts on board. A few days into the cruise, after overhearing him talking to several people, we figured out he'd been on this exact same cruise EIGHT TIMES. Like - same ship, same crew, same islands. On this same cruise we also met Oprah the Donkey on St. Maarten.
One time, fairly late at night, we stole a pylon from a construction site, then went to a Tim Hortons and put the pylon in the middle of the drive-thru road, but positioned it so that the person driving would only see it after they'd rounded the corner and were going to the window. Here's a pic of what it looked like:
It was really great because as soon as people rounded the corner, they'd have no idea what to do. The driveway was actually way narrower than that by the way. Some would get out and move the pylon but a few actually reversed all the way out of the drive-thru, parked the car, and went inside. SO hilarious.
And finally, our best and most hilarious feat:
We used to do this grand activity we made up, called Pick Up And Deliver. It involved driving around the Niagara area, seeking out houses who'd left junk outside for the garbage truck. We liked to pick up these items, and deliver them (stealthily) to friends. We left a framed photo in a tree at Chris' house and an ab-flex on Dave's car. Once we put huge bags of leaves on all our friends' cars when they were at a party. We thought the cars looked like stegosauri, but our friends were not impressed. We once found a giant old-style tv, and called up a couple friends to help us lift it into the truck. We then drove it to our friend Rob's house and left it on the doorstep. I think his mom was really pissed off. (A few weeks later, Rob filmed the tv being dropped off a giant cliff, then drew me a treasure map to go find the smashed tv at the bottom.) We didn't give up on Rob though - our most enjoyable Pick Up and Deliver was the time we found an old exercise bike and decided Rob needed to have it. We parked down the road, and I had such an adrenaline rush going that I picked the bike up out of the truck with one arm, jogged down the street with it, and left it in Rob's driveway. We then repositioned the car, and hunched down to watch until someone discovered it. After awhile, someone came home (Rob's dad maybe) and just moved the bike to the side of the driveway. When he went inside, we ran out again to put it smack dab in the middle of the driveway. Rob eventually found it and wasn't impressed. Mary and I loved it though.
And those are just a few epic stories of Mary and I. OH! We also once drove tractors around on Mary's street, which was super fun. Now she lives in BC with her husband and unborn child, and our adventures are few and far between.
