What I've learned.

I'm currently 28.8 years old, and have learned a few things in my day. Here's a quick "TOP TEN LIST" - a summary of conclusions I've made thus far.

1) You get what you pay for. This is always, always true. Most recently, I've discovered this with paper towels. It's just not worth it at ALL to buy the cheap non brand name paper towels. You might as well be wiping a regular piece of paper all over the countertop, because that's the same amount of absorbancy you'll get with the cheap paper towel brand. Buy the thick fluffy ones, unless you want to be really frustrated.

2) Lazy people don't deserve jobs. And yet - they have them! People with zero work ethic should be banned from the workforce, and from receiving unemployment assurance or any kind of assistance. If your heart is beating, you should get out of bed in the morning and do some freaking work.

3) Learning to cook and/or bake well takes a lot of time and experience. Just when I think I've mastered the art of creating a good meal, something turns out a total flop yet again and reminds me that I will always be making things that don't turn out. Last weekend I tried to make a banana cream pie (probably THE EASIEST PIE to make on earth) and it didn't turn out. For some reason, making food and having it not turn out is more frustrating than bad paper towels or lazy people. It makes me want to throw the bad food across the room. Generally though, I just SLAM it into the garbage can.

4) Perfect jeans don't exist. I've been on a search for the perfect jeans for probably about 12 years now, and have concluded that they are nowhere to be found. If I ever win the lottery, I'll pay a thousand bucks to have some custom ones made. Til then, I'll keep buying ill-fitting jeans.

5) Spam is eternal. Seriously. It's 2009, and spam on the internet is still around. Every day at work I'm greeted with messages about increasing my libido or finding a russian mail-order bride. It even sneaks into my yahoo mail sometimes. How is this stuff still in existance? Are there companies who write spam and send it out? They must be making some kind of money, otherwise the spam industry would be defunct. I'm guessing it's people without a solid command of the English language who are composing these messages, because they're always ripe with typos.

6) We are all turning into seniors. Thinking back to those good ol' university days, I can't believe the tiny amount of time I spent sleeping, and the huge amount of time I spent working, at school, doing homework, socializing, and doing a myriad of other activities. I'm still pretty busy, but by the time Friday night rolls around, all I want to do is soak my feet and watch tv while drinking a glass of wine. Our parties are ending earlier and we're all just getting tired.

7) Don't expect more from people than they can give. This is a very true statement that I for one would be wise to remember more often. And that's all I'm'a gonna say on this one, because it speaks for itself.

8) Kraft dinner is still the best mac and cheese out there. But you better believe you're going to pay dearly for it. This delicacy used to run you about 70 cents at your average supermarket. Now you're lucky if you can find it for under a dollar. It's generally around $1.49, sometimes even up to $1.69. OUTRAGEOUS. You may be tempted to go for the underdogs, like "Great value" brand. But this is as disappointing as it is cheap an experience.

9) People love free stuff. We're all suckers for free stuff. It's human nature, people.

10) Songs get stuck in heads. OK..... it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this out. But it's so true, and so annoying. Even the suggestion of a song is enough to get things going. Example: for the last 2 days at work we've had these postcard-ads sitting around that say "Be our guest" on them. Needless to say, all I can think of is, "Soup de jour, hot hor's d'ouvres/Why we only live to serve/Try the grey stuff, it's delicious/Don't believe me, ask the dishes!"