Helloooooo, summer dress.

Hi guys! The title of this entry is from a real-life experience. Once, in that awkward four hours between a wedding ceremony and the reception, my best friend Mary and I went for a walk on the beach at Port Dalhousie, the muddied waters of Lake Ontario in St. Catharines. Some dude enjoyed the fact that two lovely ladies were walking barefoot along the beach and said, "Hellooooooo, summer dress." Not sure why it was singular though. I guess only one of us had a dress worthy of saying hello to.

I don't have a lot going on these days - it's rainy, my tennis elbow hurts, things are normal. So instead this entry will be a prehumous tribute to my aforementioned best friend Mary. Here are some of the great things we've done over the years:

We decorated an old record player in blue fabric and white rick-rack and named it the Hot Box. We also decorated all of our records by cutting out pictures of our friends' faces and gluing them to the centres of the records, so that when we listened to music, we could also look at a rotating face. Then we threw a vinyl party where the price of admission was one record. That was probably our most successful party to date. We also made HOMEMADE fortune cookies for that party. It took several hours and several burned fingers but they turned out really well.

We acquired a really old typewriter and thought it would be hilarious to anonymously mail our friends and acquaintances some extra photos we had laying around. Some of them were from a trip to the zoo, and others were from a roll of film we found and got developed (it turned out to be honeymoon photos from a happy couple). We would put one picture in an envelope and then type the address on with the old typewriter, and then mail them out. We really loved doing this even though our friends obviously knew it was us.

We snuck into several parties at the Niagara-on-the-Lake Chamber of Commerce and just acted like we were supposed to be there, including one for some kind of soccer league. We were pretty good at just chatting people up and going along with whatever they said, and mostly just acting really confident so no one would question our presence.

We waitressed together one summer at a horrible restaurant called Roasters, where we had to wear GIGANTIC red "patio shirts" with black pants. They were men's XL button up shirts and the short sleeves came down to our elbows, and when they were untucked they were almost to our knees. But of course they were gorgeously tucked in while we were working. We had two alcoholic bosses named Nakos and Tolis who strutted around town checking on their leather stores. We got in trouble all the time for absolutely everything, and had to do ridiculous amounts of work because the restaurant was short staffed. We also had a co-worker named Ed who once invited us over to his house, where he turned off all the lights and showed us a Guns 'n Roses live DVD with FULL SURROUND SOUND and even a few strobe lights. We weren't too impressed.

We went on a caribbean cruise and met a man in his 60's who managed to insert the phrase "sex on the beach" into every conversation. He volunteered for a lot of games and stunts on board. A few days into the cruise, after overhearing him talking to several people, we figured out he'd been on this exact same cruise EIGHT TIMES. Like - same ship, same crew, same islands. On this same cruise we also met Oprah the Donkey on St. Maarten.

One time, fairly late at night, we stole a pylon from a construction site, then went to a Tim Hortons and put the pylon in the middle of the drive-thru road, but positioned it so that the person driving would only see it after they'd rounded the corner and were going to the window. Here's a pic of what it looked like:

It was really great because as soon as people rounded the corner, they'd have no idea what to do. The driveway was actually way narrower than that by the way. Some would get out and move the pylon but a few actually reversed all the way out of the drive-thru, parked the car, and went inside. SO hilarious.

And finally, our best and most hilarious feat:

We used to do this grand activity we made up, called Pick Up And Deliver. It involved driving around the Niagara area, seeking out houses who'd left junk outside for the garbage truck. We liked to pick up these items, and deliver them (stealthily) to friends. We left a framed photo in a tree at Chris' house and an ab-flex on Dave's car. Once we put huge bags of leaves on all our friends' cars when they were at a party. We thought the cars looked like stegosauri, but our friends were not impressed. We once found a giant old-style tv, and called up a couple friends to help us lift it into the truck. We then drove it to our friend Rob's house and left it on the doorstep. I think his mom was really pissed off. (A few weeks later, Rob filmed the tv being dropped off a giant cliff, then drew me a treasure map to go find the smashed tv at the bottom.) We didn't give up on Rob though - our most enjoyable Pick Up and Deliver was the time we found an old exercise bike and decided Rob needed to have it. We parked down the road, and I had such an adrenaline rush going that I picked the bike up out of the truck with one arm, jogged down the street with it, and left it in Rob's driveway. We then repositioned the car, and hunched down to watch until someone discovered it. After awhile, someone came home (Rob's dad maybe) and just moved the bike to the side of the driveway. When he went inside, we ran out again to put it smack dab in the middle of the driveway. Rob eventually found it and wasn't impressed. Mary and I loved it though.

And those are just a few epic stories of Mary and I. OH! We also once drove tractors around on Mary's street, which was super fun. Now she lives in BC with her husband and unborn child, and our adventures are few and far between.

Books, movies and food.

My hugest apologies for not posting in such a long time!!!! Begging your forgiveness.

Today in Survival History, Navy Commander John Collins invented the Ironman Triathalon to settle a debate on which athletes were the fittest - runners, swimmers or bikers.

Sooooo, in two days I'm headed to the magical land of Orlando, Florida. It's probably going to be cold there, but I should be able to have some good times anyways. Our hotel has a HEATED outdoor pool which I may choose to swim in if there are no kids around. Kids make pools really bad places to be for a plethora of reasons, most importantly, their urine in the pool and all the screaming and running. I also plan to do a lot of reading, walking, golfing, relaxing, and crocodile/alligator avoiding.

I'm currently reading "Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell" by Susanna Clarke, and I can't even express to you how much I LOVE this book. It's about a magician in England a couple of centuries ago and I can't get enough of it. Thanks to Stephen for lending it to me. You probably won't get it back, ever.

I'm pumped to see the new Alice in Wonderland movie when it comes out soon. It's in 3D! This seems to be the new norm for movies. Maybe in 5 years, all movies will be in 3D. And then all our kids will grow up only knowing about 3D movies and no regular 1D or 2D movies. It's sad that my future children won't be able to experience the pleasures of VHS.

I know you guys love to hear about my food adventures, but I haven't eaten anything too stand-out lately. I swore off hot dogs a long time ago but have been craving them lately. My mom insists that hot dogs contain cow eyelids and this just grosses me out to the max. I've tried the soy/tofu hot dog equivalents but they're basically inedible. I need to find some type of hot dog that is only made with regular cow parts and not eyelids or toenails. Any suggestions?

Haiti, the Bachelor, and my Eyes.

Hi friendsicles. (Like popsicles, but friends instead.) How the heck are you? I sometimes feel guilty for not updating this thing more. My guilt usually goes away in about 7 seconds though.

So the ongoing crappy chaos in Haiti still makes me super depressed, and I just HOPE that things improve somewhat. I can't think about it too much otherwise I just wish I was down there and could do something actual, you know?

In other (petty) news, I watched the Bachelor last night, and it was soooooooo good. Psycho Michelle FINALLY got booted off, thank goodness. I'm fairly positive that although she constantly talks about how she really, really, really wants a husband, she will never get married. No one wants a desperate whiner. Also Elizabeth the Game-Player was not given a rose. Her signals were super confusing and she kept totally misinterpreting what was going on. She was really annoying and frustrating. I can't totally figure out why all the girls hate Vienna. Yes she's young, and she talks too much about her and Jake's date, but I don't see her as that bad otherwise. It seems like next week, there will be even more DRAMAAAAAAAAAAAA so stay tuned for that, folks. Seriously.

Today I have another eye doctor appointment. You'll remember that debacle a few weeks ago during which a so-called optometrist got really confused, changed my prescription a ton, and also felt the need to give me crazy eye drops that made my eyes go huge and blurry. I was sitting in the chair, reading letters off charts, and he kept getting so muddled and asking ME if he should change my perscription. Isn't that your job, buddy? He wasn't wearing a white coat, so that should've been my first red flag. Anyway, I walked out of there with some kind of bogus perscription that consists of numbers and symbols. When I had it expertly translated, I was told that APPARENTLY my eyes had miraculously gotten much better and I now needed a much weaker perscription.

This is a pure lie. I've had glasses since I was 14.... so that's 15 years total. And every time my eyes have been checked, they've been a bit worse than the time before. So I have a really hard time believing that they improved that much. I wasn't ready to lay down like 60 bones for new contacts when I don't trust the prescription, ya know? So I'm going for a second opinion today - this time NOT at Wal-Mart Optical. Yeah, I know that was probably my first big mistake. NEVER again. I'm pretty sure Dr. Ikjgafidgmawaye or whatever his name was just wrote some arbitrary numbers on a page and gave it to me to get rid of me. (And I use the term DOCTOR loosely.)

So, I'll keep you guys posted on the sitch. Now back to my coffee. SECONDCUPRULES.

Haiti.

I feel horrible about the earthquake in Haiti. I can't even express it. I wish I could help more than just donating money. I wish I could go down there and do something productive.
My parents lived in Haiti for a year, during 2005-06, and have a lot of friends down there, who may or may not still be alive. I spent Christmas there in 2005 and loved it. I can't imagine the devastation that the city of Port-au-Prince is facing.
Please go to http://www.redcross.ca/helpnow/ and donate to help with the relief efforts.

Tuesday TEATIME

Oh, hello, dudesies. I wish I had the technology to make this into a little "video blog" instead of just words on a page. Picture me in an easy chair in a library, sipping on my drink of choice. That would be the setting. As it is, I'm in my burgundy office chair, drinking blueberry green tea, which totally makes my stomach hurt. Weather: blustery. Office mood: tired/bored. Tonight I'm going to my book club. We're discussing A Fine Balance, written by Rohinton Mistry. I'm almost finished it, and I definitely recommend it. Everyone says the ending is horribly depressing though so maybe once I finish it, I won't be recommending it anymore.

New years eve was extremely solid. A bunch of people from here and there met up at the Goertz apartment on the east side, and hung out with their new puppy that has about ten names. We also drank huge tequila shots and ate cheese. Then our normal crew, "The Usual Suspects", headed down to the Imperial to watch Erin croon her heart out. She was spectacular as usual, and the bands that followed were dance-worthy and so catchy. I enjoyed my first Amaretto Sour in years, a drink I used to order all the time, and felt nostalgic.

Now it's time for new year's resolutions!!!!!!!!!!! Blaaaahhhhhhhh. I'm not telling you all my resolutions, because then you'll guilt me if I don't accomplish them. Next time I'll try to post a video of myself doing something awesome.

2009 is slipping away!

Hello, friends. Christmas is over, but it's not the new year yet, which means we're enjoying the period of time I like to call the HOLIDAY SAG. You feel kind of sad that Christmas is over, you're not really that pumped for new years because you already drank and ate a ton during the last few days, and you just feel like hibernating for a week or two, at which point you could slowly ease back into things by going into work maybe 2 days a week.

Christmas was quite solid this year, and I received a lot of items I wasn't expecting, such as a brand new IPOD from the brother. I downloaded a few episodes of shows, and spent my morning commute watching "Dog the Bounty Hunter" instead of listening to coughing and snoring all around me. Such bliss! My brother and I also realized this year that we're getting old. We now get excited about gifts like a blender or new pots and pans. When we were kids, unwrapping things like a super Nintendo or barbies or Connect Four, who would've ever thought we'd get excited about kitchen gifts?

I definitely did not go shopping on Boxing Day, except to accompany my mom to Costco. If you went shopping on Boxing Day then maybe we can't be friends anymore, because I find the whole thing unnecessary, chaotic, annoying, and a sad reflection of our materialistic society. Costco was pretty solid though, although the fluorescent lights kill my eyes, and the whole place smells like new tires. My mom can be convinced into buying things fairly easily, so I scored a new board game called Party Playoff. I had friends over the other night to play it and I'm pretty sure the general consensus was that it RULED.

Mostly I spent the holidays laying on the couch, napping or reading, sometimes with a glass of wine. It was pretty solid. Yesterday I returned to Toronto, played Guitar Hero, and watched two dvd's. One was the first episode of "My So-Called Life", which I've NEVER SEEN, and the other was Jesus Camp, a really disturbing documentary about this woman who teaches kids about God, Satan, and intertwining politics and religion. I could write pages about how mad I was at her and how everything she's teaching them is wrong, but I don't think I'll get into it now.

Let me know how you're dealing with the HOLIDAY SAG!!!!

Quick little story for ya

Wowwwwww were there ever some great characters on the subway ride home today. These two completely drunk guys (who were both unabashedly drinking tall cans of Canadian) just kept remarking on various things, and making not a lot of sense. At one point, the guy with less teeth threw his beer can down, smashed it, then when the subway doors opened, he kicked it out the door and yelled, "He shoots, he scores!!!!" Then at the next station, his friend did it. They both thought they were HILARIOUS. They also kept saying each station name in a growly bear voice, which I loved. The best part was when they spotted some teens eating Doritos, and one of the drunkards gave one of the teens all the change in his pocket in exchange for one Dorito. He kept exclaiming that he loved Doritos, and acted really superior to his friend after that because his friend had gotten zero Doritos. When they finally disembarked, they just kept yelling, "TORONTOOOOOO!!" but interspersed with a few shouts of "EDMONTON!!!" here and there too. So funny.